Know Thyself
This week's post takes a contemplative look at how we form our identity and concept of self.
"Open your eyes; look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" ~Bob Marley
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The ancient Greeks knew the significance of the words "know thyself." The concept was significant enough that they inscribed the words in the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.
The idea of self and identity are often used interchangeably. They are interrelated and also distinct. Identity characterizes how you feel others perceive you and reflects your social 'face,' often being used as a personal metric of your place in society. Whereas 'self' is sensed as 'who I am.' It's an internal study that is wholly contained in your mind.
Your identity took form between the ages of 12 and 18 as you began to explore your independence and expand your sense of self. Identity is largely framed and shaped by culture, family, memories, and societal labels as they reflect back who you are—acting like mirrors.
The psychologist William James formulated that the self develops as "I" reflects back upon "Me." The self is both the I and the Me—it is the knower, and it is what the knower perceives when reflecting upon itself.
When you aspire to "work on" yourself, what you're assessing are your realms of influence as actor, agent, and author.
The self is shaped by the roles and traits you adopt as you carry out behaviors in others' presence. This forms your social reputation and reflects your status within your essential relationships. The self is also motivated by direction and purpose as you move through life, acting on desires and defining values and goals, and projecting future plans. Finally, the self evolves to be a storyteller of personal experience as you remember the past, navigate the present, and conceive the future.
To make any meaningful change, the 'I' must first recognize itself as an embodied actor, immersed in a social system, seeing itself as an evolving, self-directed goals initiator and values seeker. It must also come to see itself as an adaptable life-story autobiographer that makes sense of a narrative attained through past experiences, present reality, and an optimistic envisioned future self. It's a measure of mature adulthood when you can see your life in continuous perspective, in retrospect and in prospect. This combination gives your life a sense of purpose and meaning over time.
When you look inside, what do you find? Are you going through the motions in life, letting outside influences pull you?
This is where mindfulness becomes your leverage tool. In the simplest terms, being mindful means that you notice. Being more aware of your thoughts and feelings, you realize that you have control over how you project yourself in the world and that you have the capacity to strengthen and deepen your most meaningful relationships. With intention and a winning mindset, you have the power to determine your values and goals. And by bringing presence to your personal narrative, it's easier to recognize old storylines that may interfere with your present-moment experience.
Having awareness rewards you with perspective. It gives you permission to release the identity that no longer serves your 'self,' and empowers you to use your internal compass to find your true North.
My question to you: Are you being swept away by the current of life?
Insight to Action -
Command your actor: Pick one relationship that you'd like to improve and engage by actively listening. Ask yourself what is being reflected back to you.
Open up to your agent: Write down your top 5 values and 1 goal that you'd like to accomplish in the next year. What is one actionable step you can take that honors your values and moves you toward that goal?
Reflect on your inner author: What's your lifetime story arc? Are you telling yourself narratives that no longer serve you - is anything holding you back? Is your present reality where you want to be? Are you on course for the direction you want to go in life?