Tell Me More

This week's post proposes the notion that you bet against yourself by avoiding your feelings.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau

In the game of poker, a "tell" is a subtle betting pattern or physical behavior that a player does, knowingly or unknowingly, hinting at the strength or weakness of their hand. If the other players are keyed in and observant, they can use these clues to their advantage when placing their own bet.

Similarly, your internal emotional landscape exhibits tells, leaving evidence about how you engage intellectually, spiritually, and physically in the world.

One of my tells used to be hiding behind busyness to keep my emotions at bay. It came in the form of filling my calendar to the brim with people, tasks, and commitments. I learned to say yes to everything to distract myself and avoid dealing with my feelings. I would put uncomfortable situations, difficult conversations, and negative thoughts in a nice neat "box" in my mind and shelf it to deal with later. Of course, later never arrived.

I spent many years stacking my boxes so deep and high that the mental shelves eventually buckled, crushing me under their weight. This created a constant state of anxiety and panic attacks—another tell. I was filled with so much self-doubt, I centered my identity on people-pleasing and looking for outside validation, searching for proof that I was enough.

And then I found Breathwork or, rather, it found me. It helped me unpack all of those boxes of feelings and negative thoughts that I had stacked up. Curiosity and observation became my new habit. I trained my mind to know that I am not the sum total of my emotions. I learned to sift through and separate the feelings, noticing that my first tell is very often the most reliable way of knowing I'm headed into the danger zone. I stopped boxing and shelving my emotions, realizing that pattern no longer serves me.

Breathwork offers the gift of self-awareness and the opportunity to heal your soul. The beautiful aspect is that there are no special tools necessary; all you need is an open mind. There is a better version of you within, just waiting to be claimed.

My question to you: Do you have a "tell"?

Insight to Action: In 3 minutes per day, you can radically change your mental framework. Start by finding a quiet place, free from distractions. Sit comfortably, and close your eyes. Focus your attention. Take one breath in, through your nose, for the count of 5 and one easy breath out of your mouth for the count of 5. Do this 8 times. Then sit and observe without attaching to any thoughts or emotions that arise. Let them move through you and imagine them floating away. Notice how you feel in your body.