“We are multi-dimensional creatures. We may get clear in some areas of life, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll be clear in all other areas. We’ve got these beautiful, complex hearts… that contain multitudes. We have to tend them.” ~Henry Shukman
The last few months have been bursting at the seams, personally and within my business. I’ve been in full gear acquiring new skills and certifications, going toe-to-toe with exciting opportunities, and sharing what I love most: breathwork, storytelling, art, nature, and the creative process.
However, lately, I find an old, negative pattern rising to the surface: the feeling of my self-worth being a reflection of my output. The more I produce, the more value I have. I beat myself up for not completing more from the neverending list of to-do’s that beg for my attention… causing my mind to swim in a sea of undone tasks. It’s anxiety-inducing and exhausting.
Death by a thousand cuts, as the saying goes.
The feeling of lack has been knocking hard on my front door with the familiar rat-a-tat-tat rhythm of, “You’re not doing enough; work faster and harder.”
My brain likes to translate that as YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH. Oof.
Even with awareness and training in breathing protocols, emotional regulation, and somatic practices, doubt and negativity still creep into the dark corners of my mind.
Did you know we have roughly 6,200 thought worms each day? These are consecutive moments when we’re focused on the same idea. These thought worms are made up of somewhere north of 50,000 individual thoughts. Eighty percent of those are negative, and 95% repeat themselves daily. They’re fueled by our life experiences, memories, emotions, and the narratives we weave about our relationship with ourselves and others.
Because these thought patterns are often uncomfortable, we like to self-soothe and numb out with things like:
endless social media scrolling
binge watching TV shows
shopping and spending money on things we don’t need
storm eating/mindlessly snacking on unhealthy foods
excessive news media consumption
gambling/gaming
sex/porn
busyness as a means of avoidance
working unusually long hours
substances that alter our state of mind and ability to feel (i.e. alcohol and drugs)
When we don’t allow ourselves the time to be fully present - to acknowledge and integrate - challenging thoughts and emotions, our subconscious works overtime to protect us by seeking distractions and shutting down.
Let me tell you a mindfulness secret: white space strengthens grey matter.
White space is untethered, uninterrupted, and unencumbered time with ourselves. It’s when we sit with the “stickiness” of our emotions, without distraction, and become curious about the origin of our thoughts that we learn and grow. As our focus shifts from distractions to the present moment, clarity and insight begin to cut new neural pathways for healthier states of being.
The thing no one talks about when you’re on a wellness journey—it’s a hard slog. There are no quick fixes. What’s brought you to your present state likely took years, maybe even decades, to manifest as discomfort, discontent, and dis-ease. It doesn’t matter if it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Maybe it’s all of them.
This is why it’s so important to be vigilant about having a daily self-care practice. And to maintain self-compassion. Not only for where you’re at in this particular moment in your life but to help you navigate the emotional terrain on your way to becoming that better version of yourself that you know you can be.
We’re each a work in progress.
As for me, I’m investing more of time away from the daily grind—coveted and much-needed white space—for some perspective. I’m also taking the opportunity to reflect on all of my accomplishments1 over the last six months. To savor and appreciate.
I AM ENOUGH.
How about you? Where are you making more white space in your life?
Wins to celebrate over the last 3 months:
An interview with Voyage MI Magazine
Facilitated breathwork and a land art project at 2 retreats for Wellness Retreat Michigan
Created and hosted 2 virtual workshops for Flip & Flow
Gave an hour-long presentation for 60 chaplains at the Pediatric Chaplains Network annual conference
Traveled to Joshua Tree, CA to complete my master-level breathwork certification with David Elliott
Added two retailers for Flip & Flow - Grand Rapids Public Museum and The Arts Marketplace
Launched a Flip & Flow Spotify channel with several new recordings
Won a design award for Flip & Flow by Junior Magazine UK
Completed a 3-month intensive Human Design marketing course
Overhauled the Luna Zen website and moved my Museletter to Substack
The Color of Unconscious Energy
I am enough! Thank you for sharing this blog post, Tina. Enoughness is my biggest challenge. I always appreciate it when I hear I'm not alone in these painful cycle. Thank you for the reminder! I am enough. Writing it down. Taping to my mirror.