The True Essence of Time
"When you say Yes to others, make sure you are not saying No to yourself." ~Paulo Coelho
Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, or perhaps it’s because I have a low threshold for wasting time but, I’ve stopped saying Yes to every opportunity that comes my way.
I retired the ‘I should’ attitude - words typically preceded by some perceived outside pressure - and have learned to recognize the tactics of those who’ve honed the art of persuasion: flattery, arbitrary time-bound limitations, and FOMO.
To be all-in on something these days, it needs to align with my values and, importantly, the direction I’m heading in life. The ‘I should’ sentiment has transformed into wanting to immerse myself in an experience. I let go of the fear of disappointing others. That shift in perspective was hard-won and only attained after one too many Yeses that ended in regret.
Lesson: Half-heartedly devoting time and feeling begrudgingly obligated to a commitment cuts the quickest path to resentment.
Instead of being drained by impositions, I choose to pursue the things that light me up. I make sure the commitments I sign on for provide a sense of purpose and bring joy. They add value to my life and also allow me to impact others in a meaningful way.
Here are the questions I ask myself to help make a sound and informed decision about an idea, project, or opportunity:
Am I excited by what’s in front of me?
Do I currently have enough time and energy to be dedicated to its successful completion?
Will it honor my best assets, gifts, and skills?
Do I feel open and expansive or tight and constricted in my head, throat, chest, or stomach? (It’s important to pay attention to body cues)
Do I have time to think about it, or do I feel rushed to make a decision?
Is someone applying pressure or trying to guilt me into a Yes?
In a year, will I be better for having said Yes? And in five years?
If this is a No, is it a hard No, or just a Not right now? (There are occasions when I “bookmark” something for a later date due to time consideration)
What I’ve come to discover is that the right opportunities are plentiful and will make their way to your doorstep if you cultivate and nurture relationships, including the one with yourself.
Only commit to those things that you’re willing to be 100% invested in. Do a gut check; honor your instincts. If something isn’t a good fit, be gracious but firm with your decline. If you can think of another person who might be a better candidate than you, be sure to make those connections.
Assess your current obligations. Don’t be afraid to do a little “house cleaning.” Is there anything you can release to help you make room for and better align with your life goals?
P.S. Beginning with this edition, my Museletter publication will be delivered just once a month. As my private 1:1 practice grows and other exciting commitments begin to ramp up, this adjustment affords me a bit more time to continue crafting thoughtful, relevant, and useful content for you. I’m also taking a healthy dose of my own medicine by embracing a slower pace so I can enjoy and squeeze the nectar right outta life!